I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize