A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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