Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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