I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize