I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
