Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
