do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
