I wish I could teleport
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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