you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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