so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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