If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
