The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
