you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
