I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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