Your mouth is God's brothel.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
