Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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