Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize