My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
