By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize