God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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