I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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