I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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