I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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