I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
