hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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