so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
