Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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