I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the day after is always just damage control
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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