my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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