Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
