His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
