Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
