i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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