dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
