We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
