Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
