I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
