he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
