thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
