Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize