I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
