you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
