We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
