Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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