if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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