Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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