if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
