Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
