At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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