the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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