M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
