I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just forgot I was standing up.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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