I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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