There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
