You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
