Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Is it penis luge time yet?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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