If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
