god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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