Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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