i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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