Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
