I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
As shirtless as possible
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
