even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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