Farmville is her only friend.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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