Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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