the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
