i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the day after is always just damage control
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
