In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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