I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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