Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
