woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
