I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
