we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
