Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
