Having a random hookup so left but love u
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
